Too Tired
by Kissufication
Summary: It's a loving relationship that exists between Sakura and Sasuke. But he cannot say those three little words... But everything's good nonetheless. Right? AU SasuSaku


**One S****hot: **Too Tired (If I only could be awake again)

"I'm tired of fighting

tired again"

Stanfour – **Tired Again**

* * *

><p>They lied next to each other, coated in sweat.<br>In that moment—panting with exhaustion—he loved her. Truly. He loved her so much. Her pink hair, her green eyes, her rosy cheeks. Everything of her (even her rambling and their fighting over... a lot of things) and he just wished, he could tell her. Straight.  
>But he couldn't, so Sasuke Uchiha just laid still, fixing his gaze on the ceiling above him, counting how often the light from the street in front of his bedroom windows was interrupted by driving cars within... well, he hadn't got an alarm clock around, so he just guessed. He stared at the ceiling and counted the shadows for at least five minutes. It felt like that.<br>Sasuke didn't look at the woman next to him, afraid that _something_ might spill from his lips what would better be left unsaid. And what would better be left unknown by Sakura Haruno. His friend. His _girl_friend, to be exact. The girlfriend he'd never clearly told those three little words.  
>His thoughts were disturbed when the pink haired object of said thoughts snuggled closer, rested her head on him with her cheek on his arm and pressing her face in the side of his chest. She took slow, deep breaths like she was inhaling his scent to burn it into her memories. The Uchiha found that pretty ridiculous but didn't say anything.<br>This was new; clingier than the usual behavior of a girlfriend. For one or two seconds he thought of saying so. Saying that it was strange, irritating even and asking if something was on her mind (he suspected that by the way her inhaling became shaky every fourth or fifth breath).  
>But <em>if<em> he would say any of this, she certainly would expect him to show pity, give consolation or come up with a solution for her problem, too. And that problem was most likely something, he wouldn't even waste more than half a second on. After all, the time which he could spent to his liking was very limited and because of that precious to Sasuke. (Although that didn't mean, the—so-called—problems of his girlfriend weren't important to him, too. Since Sakura was still quiet and not breaking out into a torrent of tears, the problem couldn't be _that_ bad.)  
>So, he said nothing. And let her breath in whatever it was she wanted to remember that badly without commenting it or complaining.<br>After some more silence only filled for him with strange thoughts, Sakura said something. Or better: disturbed his thoughts—again. This time however, he was almost grateful for it. If you didn't know what you should think about and do it nonetheless... It's getting you crazy after a while, let's leave it at that.  
>The pink haired woman in her early twenties moved away from him and lied on her back. Then, she shifted her weight from the right side of her body to the left side. And back. And to the left again. He could sense that through the mattress. When she finally sat up, he looked at her, taking her bare chest in along with her shoulders, her slim neck, her short pink hair that shimmered silkily in the light from outside.<br>"Sasuke..."  
>His name rolled of her tongue in a loving way, her eyes were on him so affectionately that he closed his, not able to stand her gaze any longer.<br>In the darkness—which separated him from the visible world somehow—his heartbeat pounded painfully. It pounded in his ears. In his head. Behind his lids and it made everything numb and sensitive at the same time. The way the heart of the Uchiha was beating—fast and excited—was so unusual. But he didn't care at the moment. Too much was his mind wrapped up in assumptions of what was going to happen next.  
>Something heavy flooded the air—he didn't want to hear whatever was coming next.<br>When she turned around some more to fully face him, Sasuke believed for a single moment to see a frightened look in her face. That couldn't be though. What was there to be afraid of? He couldn't think of a thing in this situation. _Maybe it was just my imagination_, he thought and casted the one of the few assumptions he had made in the last few seconds away. One of the mistakes he made frequently but always failed to notice.  
>Sakura suddenly bent down. She sure had a thing of ending his track of thoughts this night. The kiss the raven-haired Uchiha received was sweet, loving. His dark eyes tracked her pale hand down between their bodies, resting on the white sheets and he gripped it to increase their proximity.<br>Their lips lingered on each other a little while longer, before the rosette pulled away and he thought that they hadn't shared a kiss in a long while that could put off better any desire he might have held from the previous sex.

But if he thought a little bit longer about it... This was actually a first. They had never kissed sweet-loving-caring. They had never shared a kiss that felt like pure love or that felt like a love confession without words. Maybe that was because he was unable to do _love confessions_ without words, too.  
>Sasuke sat up to have a better look at his girlfriend and asked himself if Sakura had to tell him instead of a problem something good because she smiled, still holding onto his hand. He decided it was time to ask.<br>"Did something happen?" The raven haired man, who was only older by a few months, tried to let his question sound like he meant everything. From a new job offer to a cute dress she might have bought.  
>To his surprise, Sakura shook her head. No. No? No. That put him off. "Oh. Then why – umph!" His girlfriend had launched herself at him and he was falling backwards, his head not even resting on the bed anymore. Another unusual thing. This night turned out to be more surprising than the night when all of his friends threw a secret birthday party for him. (Yes, he had known of the party and no, it hadn't been less surprising and yes, it still had been funny.)<br>A kiss made him return to reality and Sakura smiled at him. She had kissed him on the middle of his chest. _On his heart?_ He didn't like to think she was that kitschy. "It's just..." So there was something, he knew it. Maybe he was a little proud of that. "I love you."  
>The proud disappeared and was replaced with a large amount of nasty guilt and uncertainty.<br>The arms of the Uchiha moved on their own. While they were not too long ago lying beside his body, they were now scooping Sakura up in his arms. He gave her a kiss on the forehead, on the tip of her nose, on both of her cheeks, on her lips. "I..."  
>He tried it. He failed.<br>"I..."  
>He tried it again. He failed. He gave up, closed his eyes. The one thing in his life that wasn't possible for him. To say those words.<br>"I'm sorry, Sakura." She didn't start to cry like the few times before. She just looked up at him from his arms and finally—after he thought she was crying _inside—_she moved her arms to wrap them around him, too.

"Don't be," she whispered and Sasuke felt her breath on his skin. Again where his heart was. Maybe she could warm it up that way. After two and a half years relationship she couldn't bring the right words, they both wanted to hear out of him. "Let's just sleep." Her voice wasn't cracking. Sakura was just smiling and pulling him up, than putting his head gently down on his pillow. The softness of her touches felt good but the way she looked at him had changed.  
>Sasuke couldn't name it but the change was there, it scared him.<br>Her pink locks brushed over his cheeks as she gave him a kiss (A good night kiss?) on the forehead. Now he felt like a child. The woman lied down next to him, her front facing him and she took his hand in hers, placing a quick kiss on it.  
>"You have it with the pecks today."<br>The stare of her green eyes became sparkly. With what he didn't dare to guess. "Right, I'll stop, sorry." "It's not like that. I just wanted to ask..." Sasuke paused, his onyx eyes not moving away from her face. "If... everything was okay. Is it?" Sakura seemed surprised by the fact that he actually had asked her such a question but answered. "Yes... It's okay. It's probably better, that way."  
>The Uchiha could read one thing or another out of her words. It was hopeless to just guess around at her words—what was the "it" she used and what was the "way", she considered better, like? He stopped the guessing with a sharp push at his self control and closed his eyes once more. "Well. Good night, Sakura."<p>

_At that moment, Sasuke didn't notice the sad smile on the lips he had kissed so many times.__  
><em>_At that moment, Sasuke didn't notice the tears glittering in the eyes he had looked into so o__ften.__  
><em>_At that moment, Sasuke didn't notice anything.__  
><em>

"Good night, Sasuke." Everything was finally like usual. The noise of a city night was replacing the sound of their voices and mingled with their silent breathing. Sasuke soon drove off to a deep sleep, holding onto Sakura's hand like he had done it since the first time they met. Which was a reason for Sakura to let the tears roll over her cheeks and drip down onto her pillow.  
>Carefully, the Haruno slipped her hand out of the grasp and left the bed. She picked up her clothes and dressed. Quick and noiseless. Her handbag was in the hallway, filled with everything she brought to Sasuke's place.<br>There was only one thing left. One thing, she had to do.  
>Sakura went to Sasuke's desk in the corner of the room and pulled a sheet of paper from a stack near the screen of his computer, together with his favorite cartridge pen. He had received it from his parents when he was six years old. It was at his entrance ceremony of elementary school. She didn't like cartridge pens but maybe he would read a message out of the fact that she used this to write her good bye words.<br>He always read messages out of everything.  
>A few minutes, only the scratching of the pen could be heard and when Sakura was finished, she left the paper at the desk, the cartridge pen next to it, and went to the hallway, closing the door to Sasuke's bedroom half as she left. Forever.<p>

about 5 hours later

Startled, Sasuke woke up.  
>The Uchiha sat up and ruffled through his hair, letting his black eyes gliding through the room. It was day. Morning. He didn't have to look to his right to know that Sakura was not there. It was the pounding feeling when he woke up that had told him, she was gone.<br>Putting his bare legs out of bed and on the floor, he noticed that the floor heating was already switched on. The thing always needed one hour to put the warmth into the floor, so someone had turned it up. Sakura. Who else?  
>Sasuke was after a little while of sitting-at-the-edge-of-the-bed-and-doing-nothing fully awake and went to the other side of the bed to pick up the clothes that had fallen down last night when Sakura had undressed him more roughly than usually. His nose pressed into the material, he sniffed and decided to put the clothes to the dirty laundry.<br>But on the way to the door, he noticed something. A little something. His desk. A paper with dark ink on it lied on the wood, his cartridge pen next to it.  
>No one else was in his apartment but he found it quite strange to stand there—naked—and stare at a paper that might be nothing more than a note from Sakura about her leaving so early. So he first put the clothes to the dirty laundry and then put on some new, fresh clothes. Underwear, black socks, grey, old jeans and a white t-shirt.<br>Sasuke returned to his room and took not the paper but the pen in his hand, to return it to its place where it was safe.  
>Then, he looked at the paper which turned out to be far more than a simple note. It was a letter. It started with "Sasuke" and made him <em>very<em> uneasy. He would have preferred a short "See you this evening at 6, I'll drop by. Be ready for some Iheartyou-teaching, bad boy!". Sakura always called him bad boy because one time, he had yelled at her that she should stop whining about him being a cold fish—he would be more the bad boy than the prince on the white horse.  
>She remembered that and he found this memory to be quite amusing after he overcame his rage over her choice of a nickname.<br>But there was no "bad boy", there was just "Sasuke". Worried, he sat on the chair in front of his desk and started reading. After the first sentences, he found himself breathless. Pained. Helpless. Hurt. He went on with reading and noticed Heartache. At the end, he stood there—well-dressed, handsome, rich. And looking at the end of the relationship with a woman he thought he would marry. He had thought they would share much more than two and a half years.  
>Tears fell on the paper and left dark circles beneath her clean, elegant words. If only he'd been a good guy. Then maybe he wouldn't be left alone.<p>

"Sasuke,

it's over. I don't know if you will understand this but you know… I can't bring myself to care about that right now. Maybe you're angry but, please, go on with reading. I have always cared about you the most.  
>Back in middle school when you didn't like me but I <em>loved<em> you, I cared. When you betrayed me in both friendship and love because you thought it was 'better' that way, I cared. When high school was finished and we were messed up with alcohol and drugs until college starts, I cared. When I lied next to you for two and a half year as your girlfriend, I cared.  
>You hate babbling, so I come to the point. I leave you because I care.<p>

I care far too much.  
>And I'm so tired of fighting for your feelings that I'm tired of my own.<br>It's not your fault that you can't say 'I love you'. To me. Or to your parents. Or to your brother. But it's not my fault either. It's just the way things are, maybe.  
>But back to the 'I care far too much'-point—I will always care. Though I do hope you won't come to me and try to get me back. Because you won't change, right? And when I continue with getting more and more tired, I'll be dead someday. Dead and without love and full of hatred for you or me, probably for us both, and definitely I'll be filled with disgust for myself.<br>So I don't want you the way you are.  
>Because I'm not strong enough to carry us both when things have already broken me a leg and the left one is getting weak.<p>

I don't know what to say as good bye… Because you are and will always the one who knows me the best."

The words had begun to change to a blur because Sasuke's gaze was fixed on the last lines. The tears dropped on them. He never noticed. Maybe that was the saddest part of it. He had never noticed how much pain he had caused her, how much Sakura had given of herself to him just to drag him along.

And now that he knew it, he found himself quite lost without it. He needed her, in much more than one way. She was important in more than the "I love her" way. She was his life. And without life, one wasn't feeling that great. In fact…

In fact, Sasuke Uchiha was feeling messed up and hurt for the rest of his life.

Hopelessness was having a tight grip on his heart so that the Uchiha fell on his knees and grabbed on whatever was next to him for support. It was over. She had left. She was gone. Forver. And _it was all his fault._ If he had just been… If he could just have…! Everything felt numb as the dark haired man turned his hands into fists and would have punched himself if that hadn't been pointless.  
>Oh, wait…<br>Everything was pointless without her.  
>How should he manage without her correcting his behavior before he would get himself into trouble? How expected she to just move on from the <em>fucking love of his life<em> in a few days? Sakura obviously expected him to get over him. Maybe he could have a few years ago, before he had met her. Than he would have shrugged, be angry at her and get on with his life. But she had changed him. Not into a good boy but into a better man (though she still called him bad boy).

Disgustes with the depression that Sakura had put him in, he let himself lie down on the floor, closing his eyes as a confusing swirl of long suppressed emotions let his vision swirl around.

How would he live on?

The answer: He had to get her back… Somehow.

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><p>A.N.:

Hey there.

I hope you enjoyed this little one shot. :3

Maybe you could me if you like the end or whatever. /D I'm maybe planning a sequel but, oh well, I'll think twice about that. :3 (Time and stuff. D:)

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and do not own money with this.

Greetings ;)

Kissufication


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